The Semi-Finals; Game 14 (2013-14 CPKC) *Edgy over LWFS*

Each autumn our star parodists come out and play.

Choose One

Poll ended at Fri Feb 14, 2014 5:38 pm

57's Batting and There's No One On/Eric Valent/Bruce Springsteen: 57 Channels (And Nothin' On)
10
53%
Untitled/Jose Valentin/Daniel Powter: Bad Day
9
47%
 
Total votes : 19

The Semi-Finals; Game 14 (2013-14 CPKC) *Edgy over LWFS*

Postby batmagadanleadoff » Wed Feb 12, 2014 5:38 pm

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Last edited by batmagadanleadoff on Wed Feb 26, 2014 9:51 am, edited 4 times in total.

Re: The Semi-Finals; Game 14 (2013-14 CPKC)

Postby batmagadanleadoff » Wed Feb 12, 2014 5:43 pm

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57's Batting and There's No One On

I bought a high-end condo back in the real estate boom
I had a granite-counter kitchen and a rumpus room
Cable guy came by to hook up the Mets
But it was 2004 and they weren't pennant threats
I saw Eric Valent swinging and I heard Fran Healy yawn
Said “Number 57’s batting and there’s no one on”

Well he came over from the Phillies in the Rule V draft
Some guys booed him and other guys laughed
But he swung a lefty bat and I’m certain that he tried
But with Matsui batting leadoff, the bases were unoccupied
So when they called on him to pinch-hit and he grabbed his wood baton
Fran said that “57’s batting and there’s no one on”

    Well, Floyd was in left, man, but Floyd was always limpin’!
    Ice Williams, he was ready to retire and go shrimpin’!
    And Kaz cried “Sorry Eric! See, I was good in Nippon!”
    Fran said that “57’s batting and there’s no one on”

    (break)

    He had power and average, a good OPS!
    But the RBI numbers, they just didn't impress!
    O, Reyes got hurt and then he grew withdrawn
    Fran said that “57’s batting and there’s no one on”

As the season wore down, the roster was pared
And Howe's light was dimming, and nobody cared
And Jim Duquette, too, heard the sad angel’s horn
They even busted Healy and his fuckin’ can of corn
But in season’s final contest, Fran gave his fitting dénouement
Said “Number 57’s batting… Number 57’s batting… Number 57’s batting and there’s no one on”

I kept searchin..
Yeah, I kept searchin…
I kept searchin…
But every time I looked up from my Szechuan
It was "57's batting and there's no one on..."


Re: The Semi-Finals; Game 14 (2013-14 CPKC)

Postby batmagadanleadoff » Wed Feb 12, 2014 5:43 pm

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J.P. Ricciardi. Special Assistant to the GM

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Here is the moment that we need you most

Just one little hit and the Birds will be roast

Your playoffs have gone, at best, okay
But we've just a few more frames to play

And after Endy's catch.. come on!

But you're scratching your 'stache, like you don't even know

Frozen by one away, you're a statue Zorro
Hell, we just need some flyball contact

Come on Errol Flynn, you've got to act

And after Endy's catch? COME ON.

'Cause you had a good year, don't louse it up now

Get a good one inside, then you turn it around

You step out and get some practice hacks off

You rub your face-pet, then you wipe the wax off
You had a good year, you took some round-trips

You showed there was life in those calcified hips

You got it in gear

At least for one year

You DID take some old-man-hurty days

But you hit two in the clincher, hey

That's worth some vict'ry reggaeton

You had a good year, now just one more punch
Will settle suave teeth on Jeff Suppan's lunch

You look a bit louche, like, half-in-the-bag
So buck up you douche, tap that Keith-ishe swag
You had a good year, the stat sheet don't lie

Well, at least, good from May to July

Still you had a good year

A somewhat-good year

Sometimes a vet'ran flies like a Byrd
No matter how Gilkey last year'd been
And when it wears off, and he plops like a turd
No matter your chagrin
You shrug and grin

So where was the hit when we needed it most?

On 1-and-2

You faded like the world's Most Interesting Ghost

Still, you had a good year, though it's near the end

You did yourself proud, my mustachioed friend

There's always the ninth, the game will go on

Maybe a bailout from Floyd or Beltran?
You had a good year, however much doom

It may end in, you deserve a good groom

It doesn't end here

There's always next year

Had a good year

Half a good year

Mostly good year

Re: The Semi-Finals; Game 14 (2013-14 CPKC)

Postby Zvon » Wed Feb 12, 2014 7:04 pm

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Tommie Lee Agee. Mets Centerfielder, 1968-1972.

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Both great. So many great lines in both. An extra point from me for the second one because I didn't know the song. Usually that works against an entree with me.

Great job both of you.
Every man in America is an authority on baseball.If you don’t believe that, just ask one.Regrettably, most of the knowledge they have was accumulated by about age 12.Much of it is correct;a lot of it is not.~Bill Shannon

Re: The Semi-Finals; Game 14 (2013-14 CPKC)

Postby themetfairy » Wed Feb 12, 2014 8:01 pm

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I was hoping that someone would do something about Valent's cycle set to Queen's Bicycle Race.

I also generally hate the sing-songy Bad Day. But I love how it fits the subject so well here.
In running, it doesn't matter whether you come in first, in the middle of the pack, or last. You can say, "I have finished." There is a lot of satisfaction in that - Fred Lebow

Re: The Semi-Finals; Game 14 (2013-14 CPKC)

Postby d'Kong76 » Wed Feb 12, 2014 8:38 pm

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David Arthur Kingman, 1B-OF-3B 1975-1977, 1981-1983

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themetfairy wrote:I also generally hate the sing-songy Bad Day.


I forgot it was an actual song, been so played out in
a commercial(s). Voted for it.

Re: The Semi-Finals; Game 14 (2013-14 CPKC)

Postby LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr » Thu Feb 13, 2014 12:39 am

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I gotta say, I hate both of these songs-- as artist-recorded-- with a white-hot passion.
"Classic rock NEVER takes the weekend off."

Re: The Semi-Finals; Game 14 (2013-14 CPKC)

Postby batmagadanleadoff » Fri Feb 14, 2014 3:07 pm

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This one's a real humdinger, and it looks like it's gonna go down to the wire.

Re: The Semi-Finals; Game 14 (2013-14 CPKC) *Edgy over LWFS*

Postby LeiterWagnerFasterStrongr » Tue Feb 25, 2014 7:50 pm

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Harold W. O'Shaughnessy, Senior VP and Treasurer

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It bears repeating: I hatehatehate "Bad Day." But it was close to the emotional bent I was going for with our subject-- "ah, well" appreciation-with-a-little-edge-- was plastic enough to fit multiple-chorus-options well, and, well, it was a 2006 song, and when I'm stuck between a couple of roughly-equal options, I like to go kindasorta period-appropriate (as with "Son of a Preacher Man" for Lolich).

Blahblahblah... Floyd limpin' and "shrimpin," "Nippon," "can of corn..." I ran into a friggin' rattlesnake here.
"Classic rock NEVER takes the weekend off."

Re: The Semi-Finals; Game 14 (2013-14 CPKC) *Edgy over LWFS*

Postby Edgy MD » Tue Feb 25, 2014 10:16 pm

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Rube Walker — Pitching Coach, 1968–1981

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Well, I guess I think I did a good job shoehorning a tough subject into an uncommon but well-known song. I mean what do I know about Valent? He had one solid year as a reserve outfielder firstbaseman, his wife's name was Jennifer, and he unusually wore 57. Not much there.

I agree that the song as recorded is pretty bad. Don't know what possessed Springsteen to make it all bass and no guitar. As Bruce-hungry as the public was at the time, it only became a modest hit after a remixer fixed it for him on an alternative version. But I think it's a real good song as written, and I intentionally chose the alternative live version to get away from the lousy album track. Besides, it gave me four extra lines and an outro to play with.

Aside from the shoehorning, though, I wasn't particularly funny... at all... so I was lucky to eke this one out.

But yeah, not a matchup of records people wanna hear.
I'll be your patron saint of heartbreak.


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